I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
