im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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