So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
