i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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