my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
