my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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