I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
