you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
