fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
