Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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