he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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