i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How does it feel to date your dad?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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