i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
