im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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