omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
