she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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