I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
