i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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