my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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