Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
