I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
