I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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