:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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