I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
