This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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