the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
