So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
