Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
