Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
