You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
