Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
