After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
