how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
