Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
