someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
