I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
