and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
