I'm lost and stupid without you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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