thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
