She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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