I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
