gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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