i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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