I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
