two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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