im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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