why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
