Even the bartender felt bad for me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
