I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
