Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
