we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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