pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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