remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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